Brandon & Kristin

Brandon & Kristin

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

His grace

I used to hold my finger at the place in my textbook to know how many pages I had left to read (while in college). And during an action movie, I often want to check the time to see how much longer until the end, the conclusion. If I'm going on a run in a new area, I quickly lose motivation to keep running when I don't know how much farther I have to go until I'm home. And in the middle of this grieving process of losing Addie, I wish I could know what the future holds for us. I think it's related to my desire to have control. But losing Addie was/is completely out of my control. Her death has felt very humbling. I would like to know the future so I can pace myself now in knowing what amounts of joy and grief I will face in the coming years. But God doesn't allow me to see that. And if He did, I wouldn't need Him. I wouldn't need to trust Him and I wouldn't have a relationship with Him. But He doesn't give us foreknowledge and I do definitely need Him. Also, my desire to know the future and pace myself shows that I would rather depend on myself than on His future kindness and grace toward me. His knowledge and joy in me means that He gives me enough for each day, protecting me and enjoying me. I'm thankful for His wisdom and sovereignty even when I want to fight it. (Kristin)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I'm a mom who has been praying for the two of you these past couple of weeks. I heard about what had happened through a friend of mine and yours, Phoebe. I hadn't visited your blog for a while and did so to see your video. My 3 year old walked in and saw me crying. She asked why and I had said it was because I was sad for you and your husband. I explained in the way I best could to a three year old that your precious Addie had gone to heaven and was with Jesus. We sat down and prayed for you and looked at some of the pictures of Addie. She said I didn't have to be sad anymore because Addie was with Jesus. She then went and got her bible story book and showed me a picture of Jesus holding a baby. "See," she said. "She's with Jesus, Mom." I appreciated the simplicity and peace that came from her simple explanation. One of my favorite things as a mom is holding my baby, and if I couldn't be doing it, it's nice to know that God is. I pray that this image of Jesus holding Addie brings comfort to you. Maybe it doesn't and you're thinking who in the world is this stranger? But just know that my heart is broken for you and your husband, even if we've never met. I am praying that God will continue to strengthen you and fill you with his love and comfort.

Anonymous said...

Kristin and Brandon-
Thank you for sharing your strength with all of us through your messages. As unthinkable as it is that two people who walk with so much grace through their lives are not spared the sadness of losing their sweet daughter, it makes sense that her short life was given meaning by having parents who realize that she will live forever in their hearts and give meaning to all of those whom you touch. God blessed Addie many months ago...and so shall we all be blessed by knowing her parents.
May you find peace in her sweetness and strength in the Lord.
Many people love you and pray for you.