Dear Addie,
I cried today like I have every day for the past 24 days. I miss you. Today, I just cried when I talked to my friend, Amy, and when I wrote in my journal about our last hour together in the hospital. But today was a good day. I felt happy, too. I laughed and even enjoyed washing the kitchen floor. Yesterday was hard. I felt like my time carrying you and giving you birth was a dream. But it wasn't. It was as real as anything I've lived through. But I wanted to pretend that your death hadn't happened. It was hard to face it again, deeper.
Your daddy and I are doing well. We're thankful that God has given us a good relationship, in the midst of losing you. And we feel like He has protected us from lies and division. We have a lot of fun together - your daddy makes my life fun. I'm kind of boring sometimes without him.
Lots of people have told me that they look forward to seeing you in heaven. Some have even said that they look forward to dancing with you. Those words always made me cry with joy but I didn't know exactly how everyone could say that. Were people just saying nice things for me? But now, Addie, I have done more reading and thinking and studying and I know why all those people have said that. And I believe, too, that you are enjoying God's presence and worshiping Him now and forever. You are safe in the arms of God. And it makes me so happy, too. I know that I, too, will one day see God face to face because of Jesus' death and life.
Today, I read about Jesus in the book of John. It says that he laid down his life, of his own accord. Jesus laid down His life, gave it up, for us. Imagine choosing to die on a cross. And I definitely don't have the power to come back to life. But Jesus did that. It struck me today because I also wouldn't be able to lay down your life - I wouldn't have chosen this path of losing you. But God has decided in His Sovereign Goodness, to take you. I couldn't and can't control God. But Jesus, in His power, gave His own life. It hit me again today.
I love you, Addie. Sing loud for me.
Your mommy
Brandon & Kristin
5 comments:
oh Kristin.
you don't know me. but you are ever in my prayers. thank you for...
for choosing to worship.
stephanie in wisconsin
Kristin and Brandon~
Your examples of faith, strength, and peace in this time of loss are incredible. I can't wait to meet Addie in Heaven. You are in our hearts, thoughts, and prayers. Thank you for sharing and we will continue praying for both of you and your families.
hi kristin,
i finally got to send you and brandon your card. i've been thinking about you two a lot, and i've watched the video that you made about 10 times. at first it made me cry for you, but then as i watched it over and over i started realizing how good it was. you and brandon are healing in such a healthy way, and every day brings a new opportunity for searching, learning, and healing in new ways. i am so comforted by your faith in our God. love you guys,
lauren
Hello Kristin and Brandon:
I am so glad I came across your blog. I have been praying for you and thinking of you often. Thank you for sharing your special moments of Addie with me. She and You will always have a special place in my heart. Your faith and strength has brought me back to the Lord. Thank you, and God Bless
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