Mother's Day

Two years ago, Brandon & I had just moved to Riverside and I was almost 9 months pregnant on Mother's Day. Brandon took me out for breakfast and we talked about becoming Addie's parents soon. It was a nice morning together at Mr. T's (which isn't your typical Mother's Day brunch spot but we didn't know many places in Riverside yet.) Last year, I was about 5 months pregnant with Silas. We went to this great little French spot for breakfast and also talked about parenthood. Today, I woke up to little sounds from our little man and went to greet and feed Silas on another day. I also held him while he slept in my arms during church and as I sang to him before his naps. He sucked on my knees and spit up banana goo in my hand and pulled my hair and babbled meme and bebe and haa. I am so thankful for him and gave him at least a hundred kisses today.

I don't know how familiar you are with the stories of Hannah and Mary in the Bible. Both women wrote a prayer or song to God after having their first sons. I respect both of these women in the Bible for their lives of faith in God. One woman anticipated greatly the birth of her baby; the other probably faced motherhood with more trepidation. However both of them honored the Lord by entrusting their own lives and their sons' lives to Him. Both gave God glory and the credit for their sons. I thought after having Silas that I could mimic these women by writing my own prayer to God. My prayer isn't Scripture like theirs; I'm simply copying their acts of thankfulness and praise to God. I wrote this 3 months ago and decided to share it with you today. (If you want to check out their song/prayer, take a look at 1 Samuel 2:1-11 and Luke 1:46-55).

God is True and Faithful; Good and Perfect in all His ways. He helps those who are sorrowful and is near the brokenhearted.

He sees all; knows all; hears the cries of His people and upholds and supplies.

I don't understand your ways but I choose You. I love and believe in You. You are worth much more than all the world contains. I am grateful for Jesus, who died and justly, perfectly and completely covered my sin with His blood. Jesus, You also died for my sweet Adella and strong little man, Silas. Thank you You that they don't have to work or earn the pleasure of being forever united with You.

You have changed me through grief. I am now familiar with suffering and You have formed and are making me into a different woman. I trust and believe that it was for my good and Your glory that You gave and then took our Addie and our unknown and unseen second one. I would never have chosen this road and I still hate the pain. But I look and run to You.

In grief, You reminded me to still stand in awe of You, to not forget that You alone are God. Holy. Just. Perfect.

Thank You, God for Your lovingkindness and patience toward me. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me. Thank You for I know that Addie is perfectly content and happy. And as I wait to see her again, You comfort me and are with me. Thank You also for giving me a son to love and hold and raise. I am amazed at his life and breath. Love, Kristin