Brandon's such a good daddy

silas is a little cheeseball sometimes...

mmm... good cake.

Silas's known love of phones scored him 3 play phones for his birthday!

just silas & his dad hanging out & looking cool.

First birthday!

Wow! Silas turned 1 year old last week and we celebrated in big style. First off, all his grandparents flew in for the weekend! We had a GOOD time together. We visited a goat farm and the farmer's market. And we got ready for his party! A pound cake made into the shape of a car; homemade ice cream & fresh CA strawberries. Friends and a pinata in the shape of "1" taller than him. Gifts and finally, a visit to a pumpkin patch. whew. It was a full and fun weekend. We showered him with attention and love and hugs. He enjoyed it all. He's so much fun. He enjoys giving "zerberts" (is that what you call them?) on bellies, arms & necks. And he's obsessed with cars. He could just hang out in a car for quite a while. He also is extremely talkative and seems quite motivated to communicate. I wish I could understand more but there are quite a few things I do get. Enjoy the pictures!

11 1/2 months

Silas is a crazy little almost 1 yr old! We can't believe that his birthday is less than 2 weeks away. We think he is the best little guy in the whole world but I have to admit that he also has quite a large fan club. Here's a bit more about his recent "doings."

He is OBSESSED with cars. It's "ckaa" this and that. and sometimes, it's just plain "ckaa, ckaa, ckaa" (kind of like we say "blah blah blah"). When a car drives by our house, he points to the window and tells us that he noticed with a big fat "CKAA".

He loves dogs and birds and any other animal (we had a lot of fun at the LA County Fair when the sheep liked licking his toes).

He signs "all done" when he's finished eating and applies the principle to other situations. His "all done" sign also looks a lot like his wave good-bye and his waving at the fireplace or stereo (things he's not supposed to touch).

He is learning the art of entertaining guests. When he notices that people are laughing at him, he smiles and also starts laughing loudly.

He isn't walking yet but madly, fastly crawling everywhere. We try to get him to free-stand but he's a little cautious about that, too. This surprises us since he seemed so interested and intent on walking a couple months ago. We'll see what happens.

He gives us the best hugs! Brandon started a long time ago giving him big bear hugs and making a squeezing noise when he's doing it. Silas has started squeezing us and his stuffed animals the same way. It's really cute. He also still tackles his stuffed animals.

Next pictures - birthday cake!

9 1/2 months already?

Time flies! Our little man is getting so big and grown up. And he's so much fun. We laugh at him many times each day. One of our favorite activities of his is when he tackles his stuffed animals. He gets a crawling "run" and just levels them or gently hugs them. It's really cute. He's recently been practicing waving and clapping. And he's been working on his sounds - specifically "aduh" and "ufaah" and "abob." He looks so intently sometimes while he's telling us very serious things. He's been eating all sorts of things but enjoying blueberries and cherries and watermelon the most. He still likes avocadoes and also thinks my cooked egg yolk in plain yogurt mix is quite delicious (he doesn't know that most people don't eat egg flavored yogurt!) Here are a few pictures from the last month.

Addie's second birthday

Yesterday, Addie would have turned 2 years old. I don't really feel up to writing much right now but I wanted to acknowledge her birthday on our blog. Two years ago tonight we were home in our apartment in Riverside without her. Our friends had left after bringing and eating dinner with us. And my parents were on their way to CA.

Our hope was and is in Jesus. He walked with us through each step. Our pain was deep, real, intense, relentless and at an enormous size. But there was and is hope and joy even inside of that pain. Yesterday and today, we are sad. We've cried and probably had much less capacity for the normal stresses of living. We feel heavy.

Last night, we went out on a date (sushi) and then got a piece of cake at a Mexican bakery. We went to Starbucks and split the cake and talked. Today, we went to the beach with Silas and had fun. We took pictures, talked, prayed and walked Silas into the waves. We had taken Addie's ashes and scattered them in the ocean 2 years ago so the beach felt like a good place to be today.

We miss our baby girl.

Our little farmer @ 7 1/2 months

Here's some pics of Silas in our backyard last week. Brandon's extensive garden is busy growing and doing well! We have already eaten some tomatoes, zucchini, ground cherries, onions and 2 green beans. Silas has to go outside with us daily to check everything out. He is SO much fun and ready to go. Last night when I was getting him ready for bed, he started crawling. He headed out of his room, down the hall, through the dining room and entrance-way and to the front door. Then, I picked him up to his feet and he walked out the front door and down the driveway. He was ready to go somewhere! He loved his aunt & uncle and cousins that visited this past weekend. I think maybe last night he was going to go find them (they had gone back home to WI).

7 months - the beach

Mother's Day

Two years ago, Brandon & I had just moved to Riverside and I was almost 9 months pregnant on Mother's Day. Brandon took me out for breakfast and we talked about becoming Addie's parents soon. It was a nice morning together at Mr. T's (which isn't your typical Mother's Day brunch spot but we didn't know many places in Riverside yet.) Last year, I was about 5 months pregnant with Silas. We went to this great little French spot for breakfast and also talked about parenthood. Today, I woke up to little sounds from our little man and went to greet and feed Silas on another day. I also held him while he slept in my arms during church and as I sang to him before his naps. He sucked on my knees and spit up banana goo in my hand and pulled my hair and babbled meme and bebe and haa. I am so thankful for him and gave him at least a hundred kisses today.

I don't know how familiar you are with the stories of Hannah and Mary in the Bible. Both women wrote a prayer or song to God after having their first sons. I respect both of these women in the Bible for their lives of faith in God. One woman anticipated greatly the birth of her baby; the other probably faced motherhood with more trepidation. However both of them honored the Lord by entrusting their own lives and their sons' lives to Him. Both gave God glory and the credit for their sons. I thought after having Silas that I could mimic these women by writing my own prayer to God. My prayer isn't Scripture like theirs; I'm simply copying their acts of thankfulness and praise to God. I wrote this 3 months ago and decided to share it with you today. (If you want to check out their song/prayer, take a look at 1 Samuel 2:1-11 and Luke 1:46-55).

God is True and Faithful; Good and Perfect in all His ways. He helps those who are sorrowful and is near the brokenhearted.

He sees all; knows all; hears the cries of His people and upholds and supplies.

I don't understand your ways but I choose You. I love and believe in You. You are worth much more than all the world contains. I am grateful for Jesus, who died and justly, perfectly and completely covered my sin with His blood. Jesus, You also died for my sweet Adella and strong little man, Silas. Thank you You that they don't have to work or earn the pleasure of being forever united with You.

You have changed me through grief. I am now familiar with suffering and You have formed and are making me into a different woman. I trust and believe that it was for my good and Your glory that You gave and then took our Addie and our unknown and unseen second one. I would never have chosen this road and I still hate the pain. But I look and run to You.

In grief, You reminded me to still stand in awe of You, to not forget that You alone are God. Holy. Just. Perfect.

Thank You, God for Your lovingkindness and patience toward me. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me. Thank You for I know that Addie is perfectly content and happy. And as I wait to see her again, You comfort me and are with me. Thank You also for giving me a son to love and hold and raise. I am amazed at his life and breath. Love, Kristin

6 months

Silas is now over 6 months old. It is hard to believe how fast time flies. Not long ago he would fall asleep in our arms and rest so peacefully. Now he is a crazy, loud, jumping, banging, little boy who likes to grab, push, and climb upon mom and dad. He is constantly trying out new sounds and volumes. We aren't really sure what got into him over the past week, but he has decided that it is time to start moving. He now rolls over from stomach to back and back to stomach, he gets up on his knees and rocks back and forth trying to figure out how to crawl, he scoots around whether he is on his back or stomach, and he loves to stand and hold on to things.

He is our little california boy who loves avocados. I fed him some tonight and he about jumped out of the highchair trying to get it in his mouth faster, faster, faster. He is a lot of fun and we really enjoy every stage that comes.

5 months!

Silas is just getting more fun every day! He loves to jump, watch people, look at books and suck on his toes. Some days he's really quiet and just breathes faster or slower depending on the level of excitement. Others, he screeches so loud and talks nonstop. He also enjoys sitting on the front porch and watching cars drive by. He hears every sound and notices everything! He makes friends easily by giving huge toothless grins. He learned how to turn the pages of books and knows to look at the person in a group who is currently talking. He ate rice cereal yesterday for the first time and seemed to like it! He has slept from 7pm to 7am the last 4 nights. He LOVEs it when his daddy spins him in circles. And he just visited UCR last week for the first time. He only rolls over from his tummy to his back. But lately, his feet have started climbing up things. He stares at cameras and phones and computers. Brandon says that dressing him is like trying to dress a squirrel. He's the spitty-up-ist baby I've ever met but doesn't mind one bit if his neck is constantly wet. He often has 2 fingers in his mouth and drips drool constantly. I sing him a hymn before naptime and he has just started "singing" along with me. He gets called: buddy or little buddy, stinky, mogley, little guy, big boy, stinker, monkey boy, buster and dude. Here are some pictures...

3 1/2 months

3 months!

Our little man is 3 months + 1 week old. He is a busy guy who currently loves to stand up on his feet and be tall. He is an active little boy and is always wanting to look around and see what is around him. We're working hard in getting him solid weight gains each week (he's currently under the 5th percentile on the growth charts). And last week, he gained 8 ounces which is his record.

We are absolutely loving being his dad and mom. He definitely is breaking us in as new parents and we're learning a lot every day. We love to see his new tricks, hear his beautiful voice and watch him get excited about life. We also enjoy working together at figuring things out as parents. We don't know what we're doing most of the time but it's good to be clueless together.

I always knew that I'd love being a mom. But I never knew that I would get to be Silas's mom. I also have moments and days when I wonder what I've gotten myself into. I get frustrated, sad, worried and irrational. I also am overcome with awe and thankfulness in watching and raising Silas. Thanks again for your prayers and love. Silas is a blessed boy to have such a community of people around him who love him!