Kristin and I are doing really well right now. But if you were to ask us again later this afternoon, we may give you a very different answer. The grieving process is not as steady as we might like. One moment we are laughing and joking and the next we are hit with a memory and crying. These ups and downs are slowly becoming less extreme, but I am not sure that they will ever totally level off.
One of the best questions that we have been asked is, "what have you learned about God through this?" I say it is one of the best, because it is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves. I have learned many new things about God and I am still deep in the learning process. Here are a few of the thoughts running through my head...
- I understand more of what it means to be a father. One of God's names is Father or Daddy. My heart and mind changed with the birth of Addie and I became a father. I became a protector. I would have done anything for that little girl. Why? Because I was her daddy.
- I also know what it means to lose my baby. God sent His Son to earth to live and die. He lived a sinless life and was killed by men. He knows my feelings and understands them beyond my comprehention.
- God is as good today as he was a month ago as he was 1000 years ago. His goodness does not depend on my opinion or the circumstances I find myself in.
- God is the refuge to which I was meant to run. He is my strength and the rock on which I stand. Without Him there is no hope and life is meaningless.
